I don’t like to sound full of myself or braggy, but I really am quite an amazing woman, a wonder. I possess many extraordinary gifts, abilities and titles. In my tiny Kingdom, I am Queen, Champion and Hero in so many situations.
I promise you, fellow mother, you enjoy many of these amazing abilities too.
You truly are a Wonder, Woman!
Coordinator of Chaos
- When a mere mortal looks over at my kingdom they may be shocked. Shocked that it is so crazy, loud, strange and in such disarray. They may see little townsfolk running every which way, some may be naked, others may be carrying foam weapons. They may see bubbling pots and piles of stuffed animals. They may hear loud dance music and ruckus giggles. And then they will see me, standing with my hands on my hips, head high and they will recognize me for what I am. The Coordinator of it all. I can stand in the middle of my chaotic kingdom and not loose my crap, mostly. It is a special power I possess, and thank heavens.
The Queen of Clean
- Do you see those clean dishes all put away? Or those blankets folded nicely? Have you noticed the dust free mantle? Or the sparkling floors? No? Well you should have come to my castle yesterday, it was clean then. I know, because I am the Queen of Clean. That does not mean that all things are clean; only that if it was clean at some time, I probably made it that way. I promise you that somewhere in my Kingdom, there is something clean. Maybe a favorite pink T-shirt or tie, maybe a little person’s tushy, maybe a counter top, and likely that carton of triple chocolate ice cream.
Champion Quarrel Solver
- Obviously, I am endowed with the ability to solve all fights between my people, even the most outlandish. Just yesterday my quick thinking saved the kingdom when one of the whippersnappers accused another of being a Bumhead. In retaliation the injured party stole a prized pony and threatened to never return it. I quickly stepped in and reminded the whippersnappers that unkind words and thievery are hurtful and frowned upon in my Kingdom.
Hero of the Lost and Downtrodden
- Everyone in the kingdom knows that when a prized possession, garment or cracker is lost, there is only ONE person to turn to. Me! My tiny people have decided it is completely useless to search for their missing item without calling on the Hero of the Lost and Downtrodden. I take up the search so said tiny person can carry on with more important things.
Enforcer of Bedtime
- There is nothing more important in my kingdom than sleep. My own. In order for me to get any of it, I must first help the entire empire retire to their place of slumber. This is no small task. I strive for peace, tranquility, happy hearts, clean faces (teeth, hair, hands, bums), full bellies, quenched thirsts, content imaginations and a lullaby. I sometimes miss the mark. This is when the Enforcer makes her appearance. She really is less of a skill and more of an out of control, sleep deprived, crazy woman. But, she does get the job done.
Advocate of Appropriate Attire
- One role that my tiny people really enjoy seeing me flex my muscles in is that of the Advocate. They never miss an opportunity to question whether they really do need a coat. They always check my reasoning behind the request for a beanie or ear muffs. They often put my skills to the test when they appear in my quarters wearing a swimsuit, overalls, mismatched socks and a tutu, declaring themselves ready for the days exploits. These situations give me the opportunity to explain, reason, bribe and surrender. All of which is key to being THE Advocate.
Bodyguard to all the things
- Being the Monarch of a kingdom has blessed me with the role of Bodyguard….to all things. At any moment I might need to redirect a creative endeavor away from my immaculate furniture or save a fragile book from being used as a sled. I have mastered the art of recognizing different tones and loud thuds. Knowing which thuds are the sound of a remote control being used as drum stick and which thuds are simply the sounds of a small individual joyously sliding down the stairs on their front side.
The Guard of Peaceful Slumber
- As the Guard I have mastered a stare. This look has the power to let any human within 100 feet know that much misery will be headed their way if they raise their voice again. I will guard the sleep of any small person with my life. I will go to insane limits to keep my house quiet and still while a small human sleeps. I have been known to banish noise makers, or threaten the loss of limbs to any who disobey my commands. All my subjects know that the Peaceful Slumber Guard is not to be trifled with. The UPS man knows this too.
Consoler of the Crazy
- Without a doubt I am known as the Great Consoler. My specialty? No matter how strange the reason for heartache is, I am able to give comfort. Only yesterday I was able to show love for a tiny human when she seemed inconsolable. The small child was angry and heartbroken, and I scooped this tiny human up and sweetly said, “It’s okay sweetheart. Mommy’s not mad. I know you didn’t mean to throw that book at my face and give me a fat lip. I’m sorry I yelled out in pain. It was terrible that the blood scared you. It is all okay.” I know, I know, I’m good at consoling the crazy!
Empress of All Things Food
- I am able to say with complete certainty that without me my entire Empire would die of starvation…in mere hours. Others who you may think are capable of feeding small armies are never considered my equal if I am in the room. I am the only one that can hear the famished cries of the hungry. The task of cooking a nourishing and delicious meal lies in my hands. Although this task can sometimes take over my illustrious life, I do take great pride in bringing my people together around our table to enjoy a home cooked meal.
Regent of Safe Pathways
- As Regent of Safe Pathways I have the super human ability to notice small items on the floor that should not be there. As I follow my tiny people up to their sleeping chambers I can see beloved trinkets and knickknacks strewn across each step. I feel sad that the tiny people are unable to see all these dangerous items, and I am proud to fulfill my job and keep their walkways safe and less deadly.
Master of the 6th sense
- With this special ability I am able to sense when trouble is arising in the kingdom. I know with all my responsibilities as sovereign, one can see there is little time to tarry upon my throne. At the rare moment I do rest, commonly that is when my 6th sense arises, and I know trouble is afoot. It is one of the few times I will be delinquent in my duties. Even though this special sense is alerting me, I will allow the trouble to continue knowing full well that something less than marvelous is waiting me. No moment of peace goes unpunished for the Master of the 6th Sense.
- This is an all encompassing title. As Domestic Goddess I am able to take on ALL of these roles and flourish. Well even if I am not always flourishing I am keeping all my kingdom alive, fed, cared for, loved, clean, safe and consoled.